so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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