You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize