When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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