Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
