took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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