After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
