I will die if light touches me.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
