the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
