I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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