Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
