all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
