I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
