SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
