i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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