I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
i think im in europe. pls send help
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Pooping to opera.
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