I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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