so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
