it was like his penis was on wheels.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I have fence marks all over my body
This toilet bowl is my home.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
