I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
