I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
40s are totally the cure
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
