i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
