just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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