We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
