I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
and she was petting her beer can
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
