I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
