This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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