I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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