I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
