I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
