I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
