you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
