i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
