The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
