Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
