I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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