so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Last time i carry you out of a forest
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
