So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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