I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
