fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
and she was petting her beer can
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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