Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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