My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
