just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
