these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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