Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
