I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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