no, he came in my armpit
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm at about main and main street
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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