At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize