Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
