So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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