So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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