I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
