And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
