I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
