After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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