In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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