if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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